


SORRY I'M NOT MADE OF SUGAR

by jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle



Series: THAT LITTLE KISS YOU STOLE, IT HELD MY HEART AND SOUL [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Jean Kirstein, Boys Kissing, Boys' Love, Lemon, M/M, Oral Sex, Sex In A Cave, Smut, Yaoi, slightly older
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-05
Updated: 2014-04-05
Packaged: 2018-01-18 02:57:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1412404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle/pseuds/jean_huh_kirschnickerdoodle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>sorry i don't treat you like a goddess, is that what you want me to do? Am I not sweet enough for you? Is that why you always avoid me? that must be such an inconvenience to you. Its like i'm not even a person am i? i shouldn't have to be the one to make it up to you, so why do I want to? I'm just your problem.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	SORRY I'M NOT MADE OF SUGAR

**Author's Note:**

> for Jearen week. day 5 is touching, so i guess I lucked out with getting this done today. 
> 
> also this was originally a thread between myself and mcdouchebag

“Why are you so fucking heavy, douchebag?” Jean muttered to himself, anger dripping from his lips as he shifted his weight to hold the unconscious Eren higher up on his back. It wasn’t enough that he was fucking stranded outside the walls, oh no, the golden-eyed boy was stuck with “humanity’s hope.” Some hope for him to fall unconscious after transforming without permission, leading directly to their being stuck out here in the first place.

The german boy had transformed when the two of them, as well as Armin and an injured, borderline-unconscious Levi had encountered a small group of titans. Had there been trees or more than just the two horses, they could have escaped or fought. Instead, Jean had found himself shouting profanities at Eren, who ignored him, grinning like a jackass when he slid his hand between his teeth.

Jean didn’t remember much after the sound barrier broke and the manic rogue titan had appeared, throwing both him and his horse into the distance and knocking him unconscious. When rain brought him to the titans were dead, Eren was unconscious, and Armin and Levi were nowhere to be found. Judging by how far away Rose was, he had likely been thrown farther than he had originally thought.

The decision to return had likely been difficult for Armin, considering the two of them had been close friends for six years, but it had been the right one. As far as he knew, Jean could’ve been dead, whereas Levi was nearing it and needed immediate medical attention. At least that’s what Jean was telling himself, hoping that Eren being here meant the others had escaped with their lives.

Jean stumbled as Eren’s weight shifted, pulling him with it. “Fuck, fuck fuck fuck!” He managed to catch himself, a hand holding the brunet against his back and choosing to ignore where that said was, too preoccupied trying to refrain from dropping the pack that the horse hadn’t carried off with it. His boot slid through the mud, squishing as he used all his force to pull it out. “Fucking son of a bitch why didn’t I just leave you behind.”

Biting his lip, he finally managed to shift him up onto his back, letting out a sigh as the mass of dripping dark brown hair lulled on his shoulder. He knew exactly why he couldn’t leave the shit behind, even if he refused to acknowledge it. Squinting against the rain, he looked up at the darkened sky. The rain was just coming faster.

_Just a bit farther._

Jean sighed in relief as he stumbled upon one of those big-ass trees, ignoring the oddity that it was alone. Maybe a bird dropped a seed or something? Like he fucking cared about how trees decided to grow. Setting the packs to the side, he shuffled Eren off his back, sliding him carefully to sit against the tree. Even as big as it was, its leaves were young and did little to stop the downpour from drenching their bodies. As if they weren’t soaked already.

“This is all your fault, you know.” Jean mumbled as he settled next to his unconscious friend, who slowly shifted down until he was resting against the taller brunet’s shoulder. It was late winter and the temperature seemed to just keep dropping. It didn’t seem to matter that it was almost April, or that a week ago the weather was warm enough that they had been asked to return their winter-issued jackets.

Jean couldn’t help the sigh that pushed from his lips as he lay his head against Eren’s. It didn’t seem to matter that they were soaked and in persistent danger, or the fact that it was fucking cold as jack frost’s nipple; Jean was exhausted. His body ached and his skin burned with the biting cold of the rain, but even so he couldn’t stop himself from drifting into darkness, the warmth from the other man’s body seeping into his own.

Jean gasped as he jolted awake, eyes blurry and the droplets on his eyelashes and tips of his soaked hair starting to freeze. It felt like he had been asleep no longer than a few seconds, and yet he found himself blinded by brightness as a thin layer of snow now covered the valley surrounding the tree. It was then that he felt the body pressing against his jolt with chills; presumably what had woken him in the first place.

“Eren…”Jean shifted to wrap his already-dripping cloak around the shivering body, who had lost most of his gear during his shift. “Eren! Hey, Eren! Wake up!”

 Eren’s hair was plastered to his face, the surface beginning to freeze over his furrowed brows. His lips were trembling, blue, and he showed no signs of waking. Jean knew that his titan body was painfully hot, but, in truth, had no idea if his human body could freeze to death like the rest of them. Or what would happen if his body temperature did drop that low. Would he change? Or just..?

“Eren, come on! Don’t die on me, man!” He watched Eren’s eyelids flutter, never quite opening. “Eren, come on. I need you to wake up, man…” His voice trailed over the words, fingers gently brushing against Eren’s trembling lips.

_Please…_

Before fully realizing what he was doing, Jean leaned close to Eren, their bodies already touching, and pressed his lips to the freezing teen’s. A moment passed as his lips lingered, and when he opened his eyes he found himself staring into fully aware Caribbean green. Jean jumped back, falling onto his ass with surprise as he watched an angry Eren wipe his lips with the back of the wrist. The brunet swallowed hard past the rock that that little action had caused to settle in his stomach.

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“I uh, you weren’t—” Jean stood angrily, fists clenched. “You weren’t breathing and you were fucking turning blue! Sorry for trying to save your life!” His cheeks and ears were bright red as he stuttered through a bullshit excuse, hoping that they could be played off as an effect of the cold.

Eren pushed to his feet before shoving the soaked green cloak out toward Jean, a look of petulance on his face. “Thanks.” The word was barely a mumble.

Jean didn’t bother replying, knowing the more he pushed the more likely mcdouchebag would figure out that he was lying through his teeth. With a huff, he picked wrapped his cloak back around his shoulders before bending to pick up the surviving pack. “Come on, we need to keep moving.”

The rain shifted to snow, small flakes at first, before falling quickly in large, fat flakes that clung to their hair and shoulders. Even this late in the season, the temperature drop was obvious, and biting.

“This is all your fault, you know.” Eren hissed, folding his arms over his shivering body in a futile attempt to hold in some of his heat.

Jean grit his teeth, knowing not long ago the same words had slipped from his lips. His brow furrowed at the audacity of the situation, and then to be blamed for it? “How the fuck is this my fault?”

"I’ll tell you how this is  _your_  fault,” Eren stuffed his hands underneath his arms, pressing them to his sides to keep his fingers warm, and stared thoughtfully at the ground, watching the snowflakes stick to his boots. He never was a fan of the snow. "You tried to take the fucking lead like the  _oh-so brave_ leader that you pretend to be, and your horse obviously didn’t want to go any f-farther—” Stuttering and shivering, he looked back to Jean. “And it scared the hell out of mine and we both got bucked off because of that. Okay, that’s how it’s your fault, dumbass. And it’s fucking cold out here.” 

Jean pulled the his hood over his head, hiding as much of his face as he could and pulled the cloak tight around him, doing his best to bundle within it. It was cold, freezing, and he could feel the cloak stiffening as the soaked cloth slowly began to freeze around him. The sun was beginning to set, and with it the temperature was dropping faster. How much longer did they have before hypothermia began to eat away at their body functions? 

"Well sor-fucking-ry that I tried to do something other than just look angry all the damn time! Besides, last time I checked, I couldn’t control the weather!" He was yelling now, even if he wasn’t angry at Eren. He was angry at himself. He was angry at his horse. And he was especially angry at this damn weather. But more than anything he knew the anger was a secondary emotion by nature, just a result of his embarrassment over kissing Eren when he was unconscious. Biting his lip hard, Jean turned away from him, trudging through the snow. “We would be safe and dry by now if you hadn’t decided to turn into a fucking monster.”

Before Jean was aware that Eren had even moved, he felt his center of gravity shift, a suffocating weight on his back as he gasped into the snow that he had found greeting his face intimately. He felt an angry hand grip his shoulder, painfully, and flip him onto his back.

“What the fu—” Before he could finish his sentence heat surged through his cheek as Eren’s knuckles pressed into it, the force enough to send his vision spinning.

“A monster!? A fucking monster!? Is that how you see me? Am I just—just one of them!” Eren’s eyes practically glowed as he scowled at him, his lips pulled back in a snarl and his fingers fisted into the collar of Jean’s shirt. Even through the freezing snow and rain, Jean could feel the heat from Eren’s body as he straddled his waist.

Jean shifted, attempting to pull out of his grasp and out from underneath him as his vision finally cleared. “Get the fuck over yourself, Eren! What do you want me to do? You want me to treat you like some fucking goddess? Like some savior and hang on your every word like all the others?” Even with all his struggling, Jean had barely made any headway. Eren had him pinned, the snow was slick and the mud underneath slicker still. He was cold and hungry and weak, and Eren had that titan strength.

Eren’s fingers gripped his shirt tighter, hand trembling and voice shaking with anger. He hadn’t asked for this, hadn’t asked to be made a shifter. It was something that had haunted his dreams for years, being a monster, being responsible for his father’s death, being responsible for the original squad levi’s deaths. He had been a monster; the military police had wanted to _dissect_ him. After years of work for the recon corps, for humanity, people had finally started seeing him in a better light… or so he had thought.

“What did I ever do to you!?” Eren’s voice was fractured with pain, his jaw tense as anger and hurt surged through him. He and Jean were comrades-in-arms if nothing else, right?

Jean bit his lip as he stared at him. What had he done? At first it was jealousy over Mikasa, then he blamed Eren for Marco’s death. But over time, he had realized he wasn’t at fault and had come to think of him as a friend, a comrade, maybe more. “Nothing. You’re just a—”

Eren didn’t let him say it again, this time his fist connected to his jaw before he shoved Jean’s back into the ground. “Fine, I’m a fucking monster!” Jean squirmed underneath him, the hand on his chest pressing down painfully hard. “Fine, it’s my fault! It’s my fault they’re all dead! But what the fuck does that say about you, when you’re the one who wants me!?”

Jean froze, torn somewhere between fear and anger and embarrassment. His golden hawk eyes sharp, he stared at him with confrontation. “What the fuck are you talking about, Jaeger.”

Eren almost laughed, his lips curling into a mocking sneer as he leaned close. “I didn’t stop breathing earlier and I’m not the stupid child you think I am.” As if to emphasize both his points, he pressed his lips to Jean’s hard and fast, pulling back to stare at him with a smug look of victory on his face. Almost as quick as it appeared, his smugness faded as he looked down at Jean. He had expected him to be flustered or angry, but he was…amused.

“You may not be stupid but you still act like a brat.” Jean’s thoughts slurred and he swore he heard a pop as his lip gave under Eren’s knuckles, the metallic tang of blood filling his mouth.

“ _Don’t_ fucking call me that.” Eren practically growled, shifting his weight back and glowering down at him.

Jean let out a breathless laugh, turning his head and spitting, the blood a vast contrast against the stark snow. “Heh, what, can’t handle the name that your precious _Heichou_ used to call you? All because you went and got serious and fucked things up?”

Eren shifted, sliding off his hips and sitting beside him, his head down and hair hiding his eyes, but his hushed voiced broadcasted his pain loud and clear. “Yeah, well, sorry not all of us can just go fuck around with everyone.” He clenched his fists into the snow, as if the biting cold would ease the pain in his chest. “What, Marco dies and Armin turns out to be straight, so you just fuck everyone else?”

Jean pushed himself up, his body stiff from the cold and what adrenaline had been released had died down. He spit again, wiping his lip gingerly with his thumb, certain it would scab over soon. Or freeze.

It had been no small secret that after Marco had died, after he had found him, he had become more than a little promiscuous. It didn’t ease his pain, but it was a distraction. He didn’t think he’d ever love again. Fuck, he was terrified to after losing Marco. He had thought maybe he felt something for Armin, who had been a comforting presence as he mourned Marco, but those feelings were misplaced. And, as Eren had pointed out, Armin just wasn’t into dicks.

“That’s right, Eren. Marco is dead, gone forever, and that’s something I’ll never be able to forget. So fucking what if I decided to do what I could to give the others some sort of joy, just a little distraction, even if it meant spending more time on my knees than not?” He didn’t even bother waiting as he turned from Eren.

“Coward.”

Jean flinched, pausing just a moment before reaching down and grabbing the pack. Jaw tight, his eyes flicked between the sky and the horizon as a rumble echoed around them. Was it titans or thunder? Either way, it wasn’t safe. In their situation, with no gear and no mounts, titans would mean certain death. Thunder, on the other hand, meant a blizzard…either way they were fucked if they stayed where they were.

“Come on.” He didn’t stop to see if Eren followed. He did. No matter how far apart they wanted to be right now, years of training had bore the instinct to stick together in their minds and their bodies would stick together no matter how pissed they were. “We need to find some fucking shelter.” Even with shelter, the odds were against them.

“Thank you captain obvious…” Eren muttered and rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest and sulking as he followed him.

“You know fucking what, Eren—” Jean turned on his heels, hand out as he had every intention of grabbing his shirt front and popping him in the mouth. Instead, his eyes caught something behind Eren, an odd…emptiness in the snow. “There...”

Eren turned, eyes following Jean’s gesture. The two trudged toward the oddity. As they neared, it was obvious the snow drifts differed here, and there were even leafless bushes surrounded what had turned out to be a cave. Jean dropped to his knees and, squinting his eyes to look into the small tunnel, noted an odd blue glow within. Some sort of mineral, presumably.

“Seems to be a cave... Looks like it opens up a bit. Bet we could squeeze in there.”

Now directly beside Jean, Eren crouched to examine the small cavern that the taller teen was peering into. “Maybe—it’d better than staying out here while it’s snowing so hard.” Watching his breath fog up in front of him as he spoke, he cringed as he realized it was coming down heavy enough that they couldn’t even see the Wall in the distance anymore. "I think we can manage. We’ll have to."

Jean rolled his eyes and pushed to his feet, pulling out the dull blade that he had salvaged and attacking the bushes like it was a machete. It was a small blessing that the pack that survived happened to be the one that Historia had packed, including flint that she had added with a smile and a ‘just in case.’ She really was a goddess, even if she wasn’t the same as before.

“You first.” Jean pointed at the entrance with the blade before chopping another branch, deeming he had collected enough firewood.

Eren just nodded, getting on his hands and knees and crawling into the small cavern first. The cold soaked through his pants and numbed his bare hands to the point he didn’t feel the sharp rocks nicking at his skin. After a moment, the cramped space became slightly roomier the farther inside.

"There’s actually some room in here, Horseface." He called, then blew hot breath on his freezing hands, steam rising from the small cuts as they healed before his eyes.

Jean rolled his eyes, muttering to himself. “Well, no shit Sherlock. Pretty sure I already said that.” Getting on his hands and knees, he awkwardly crawled through the tunnel on three limbs, brush tucked under his left arm. His shoulders brushed against the tunnel, barely able to fit, and more than glad when it opened up into a dimly lit cavern. At least, it seemed, Eren had pushed most of the sharp rocks out of the way with his shuffling as Jean ended up with nothing worse than scrapes.

Thank freckled jesus, it was dry! It was warmer, but still freezing and would only get colder. There was dried brush — remains from a previous inhabitant, which he’d prefer not think about what had happened to them. With numb, trembling fingers he pulled out the flint from his pack. 

"Please work." He clicked the pieces of flint together, sparks spraying from them, and could have cried out with joy when one of the sparks caught the decently sized nest of brush.

As the golden glow of the fire drowned out the eerie blue from the mineral wall, the warmth filled the cavern. Eren scooted up to it and held his hands close to the flame so they would warm up, looking almost like a child. Once the feeling returned, he rubbed them together again and looked to Jean. Now was not the time for the condescending and sarcastic banter they usually shared. Instead, he let out a sigh of relief and smiled.

"Well, there you go, saving our asses already." Which was as close to a thank you as Eren was going to give.

Jean smiled, tilting his head and bringing two fingers to it in a casual salute, an acknowledgement of his thanks.

Standing over the dancing flames, he ran his hands back through his damp hair. This was going to be awkward, but the fact that he was wet and chilled to the bone…well he had heard enough stories from Sasha about hypothermia to know what they had to do. 

"So, um…my clothes are soaked through…and…" He sighed, and began taking off his jacket and shirt, laying them flat near the flames. Yeah, awkward was an understatement. It was as he began to unbuckle the straps around his waist that Eren finally spoke up.

"Um… What the fuck are you doing?" Eren raised his eyebrows, watching the taller teen begin to strip, eyes drifting to the wings tattoo above Jean’s hipbone for only a second before averting them.

Jean snorted in a failed attempt to hold back a laugh. “I’m going to fu—” He stopped mid-sentence, realizing Eren might actually take it seriously, and rolled his eyes. “Taking off my wet—” He tugged off his boots, “clothes. Sasha told me that it’s worse to keep them on. Hypothermia will set in. We’ll die before morning.” Tugging down his pants he left them near his other clothes, leaving him in nothing but black boxer-briefs, and wondering if Eren was going to freeze to death for the sake of making him feel awkward.

"Hypothermia…" Just thinking about it made Eren shiver more than he already was. He looked down at his own cold, wet clothing, and figured it was a better idea to strip then sit there in their freezing, wet clothing. Looking away from Jean, Eren removed his clothes and gear, pulling his knees to his chest only remaining in his boxers.

He held his hands out to the fire again, once they were arm he rubbed them up and down his shins in a feeble attempt to warm them up, and keep himself busy.

Jean held back a snicker as Eren averted his eyes. Like they hadn’t seen each other in their underwear before? All of the boys shared a bunkhouse for three years; they had seen underwear and more. It was almost cute how he was shy. Cute? What the fuck. Or maybe it was that Eren felt trapped after their earlier confrontation.

A draft cut off his thoughts, causing him to shiver and the flames to wane. Pulling the brush near the flames to dry, he pushed to his feet, happy to find the cavern tall enough to stand in. He looked thoughtfully at the entrance before his eyes lit up with an idea. Carefully, he pulled the contents from the pack, which were luckily still dry. They had only recently started using the new packs, experimentally, which had a thick coating of wax on the outside. To keep out the elements, Armin had said. It wasn’t surprising that his idea had worked. The wrap was big enough to drape over the entrance, wedging his blade in horizontally to hold it in place. It didn’t cut the air off completely, but at least it stifled it. 

Jean stood in silence, one hand lingering on the make-shift curtain, the other rested thoughtlessly against his torso; it had become a habit after he had gotten his tattoo. “Hey Eren…” He bit his lip, still angry from earlier. The silence was awkward and the tension palpable, and it didn’t matter how much he felt like he wasn’t in the wrong…he still wanted to fix things. Eren only hummed in acknowledgement, probably still avoiding looking at him. Then again, wasn’t he doing the same thing? “About what I said earlier…”He finally turned to face Eren, those green eyes staring up at him with wariness, probably afraid Jean was going to pick another fight. “It’s just…I’m sorry.”

Eren looked up at him with wide, green eyes, surprise written all over his face. His expression softened and he nodded. “It’s okay, I mean, um…me, too.” Biting his lip he looked away. “You’re not a coward.”

Jean laughed lightly and crossed the small space, sitting in front of the fire with his knees bent and his legs crossed, eyes closed as he soaked up the heat from the flames. “Tha—at  may actually be right.” He kept his eyes on the fire, as if as long as he didn’t look at Eren it would mean he wasn’t actually talking to him. “I’m scared, fuck, terrified even. It’s just…when Marco…” He bit his lip; even now it was hard to say it. “It broke me, y’know. Marco, he…I think he was the only one who ever actually liked me. And I don’t just mean in that way.”

“I don’t—didn’t hate you.”

Jean only nodded, not sure he wanted to push the reply. “Sure, now we’re all closer, but back then?” Jean shook his head sadly. “It was always just the two of us. We were going to go to the military police, live in Sina, get…” He hung his head, staring at his hands in his lap. “I just…I never wanted to feel again, maybe still don’t. It’s just, easier.”

Silence settled over them, and Jean started wondering if he shouldn’t have said anything. Even so, it felt good to talk to someone other than Armin, even if it did hurt. He could hear the wind whir outside, even over the crackling of the fire, and swore he heard a rumble in the distance.

"It’s going to get bad out there…" It was obvious, but the air was filled with awkward silence and it needed more than the popping of the fire to break it.

"Yeah," Eren breathed out simply, his gaze lifting from the glowing warmth of the fire over to Jean. "We’re gonna freeze to death, aren’t we?" It was more a statement than a question. He knew it was likely that they would. Or Jean would and he’d survive by becoming nothing but a monster.

Jean hesitated, pulling one of the drier pieces of brush into the edge of the fire. He knew this was going to come up eventually, but at least he wasn’t the one who brought it up. "Probably… the fire…it’s not enough heat to keep us warm enough with the way the temperature keeps dropping…" He trailed off and kept his eyes averted, wondering if Eren would piece together his meaning.

Eren stared at the other male for a moment before it clicked, and he let out a sigh before nodding. “So…I guess…come here…? Body heat. Yeah…” He cringed, the awkwardness lacing his voice obvious.

Jean snorted at the expression on Eren’s face, scooting over toward him. He sat a behind him, Eren being so close to the fire, and wrapped his arms around him, holding him from the side, not quite behind him. "Don’t act like having me hold you is the worst fate in the world. You didn’t seem to mind when I had to carry you on my back."

Eren rolled his eyes and turned his head to look at Jean. His arms were warmer than Eren had expected they would be, but cold regardless. He thought over what he was going to say for a minute then decided against it, nodding once. “It’s not…thanks.”

Silence settled over them again, but this time it was more…comfortable. It didn’t seem to matter that they might die, or that the chilled air seeped in around them. It was nice, almost. The pack had included a bedroll for one, but they’d manage. Even the ground here seemed to have a nice layer of softened dirt on top. There were rations, but they knew better than to dig into those so soon. Instead they just…were.

“So…” Jean’s voice seemed unnaturally loud after such a long silence, but his curiosity was eating away at him. “What really happened between you and captain pipsqueak?”

Eren let out a light laugh, almost diffusing the tension. “It was exactly what you said, actually.” When Jean didn’t say anything he continued. “We were, um, casual, I guess—”

“You were fuck-buddies.”

Eren cringed and nodded. “Yeah, something like that. But I was stupid, and well, my admiration mixed with the way he,” Eren blushed, “made me feel…I thought it was only natural that I ended up having feelings for him.” He could see Jean nod out of his peripheral vision, taking it as encouragement to continue. “When I told him, well, at first he laughed, which hurt worse than this ever does,” He held up his hand, and Jean could imagine the scars that should be there. “He called me a kid, and told me he wasn’t interested in something…serious. Said we were just a _form of mutual release_ , that’s it.”

“Did you love him?” Jean’s voice was quiet, solemn, but sympathetic.

Eren nodded slowly, pulling his knees to his chin. “Yeah, but, he’s right. Love’s for kids, a fool’s game.” His voice was quiet, eyes on the fire as he tried to pretend that deep down it didn’t still hurt. And seeing the captain fucking around with the commander? Well that was just salt in the wound. “He was right to push a kid like me away.”

They sat in silence for a while, who knew how long. Could’ve been minutes, or hours. Jean couldn’t help but notice how smooth the dark skin in front of him was.  _I wonder…how it’d feel against my lips…_ Without considering what he was doing he leaned in, softly pressing his lips against the wings that were tattooed on the back of Eren’s neck; the placement had been some form of protest for him – proof that he was still human.

“I wouldn’t push you away.” His words were barely above a whisper, breath hot against Eren’s skin.

Eren stifled a shiver and turned his head to look back at Jean, his eyes narrowing and softly staring at the other. “Jean..?”

Hearing his voice, Jean tensed, realizing what he had done, what he’d said. And he was right, his skin was surprisingly soft. Side effect of shifting, maybe? Not that it mattered. He found himself staring into those caribbean-green eyes, eyes flicking between them and his lips.

"Sorry…for that, and for this." Grabbing the back of Eren’s head, he closed the gap between them, mashing their lips together. He felt the dark-skinned brunet try to pull back, but he refused to loosen his hold on him. He could feel Eren begin to relax into the kiss, moving his soft and warm lips against Jean’s. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised Eren kissed him back. He was half-expecting another fist to his jaw. Then again, he also hadn’t expected to kiss the brunet in the first place.

He felt his other hand rising to rest on the side of Eren’s neck, loosening his grip on his head. If he wanted to pull back, he could. Yet, he didn’t. Deepening the kiss, he pressed his tongue against Eren’s lips, wondering if he’d let him in. He did, ever-so-reluctantly Eren parted his lips, and slipped his own tongue out. Jean smiled into the kiss, it wasn’t surprising that the dark-haired male wasn’t going to just submit to Jean.

Their tongues pressed against each other, Jean’s brow furrowing slightly when Eren’s tongue brushed over the cut he had left behind. The pain was fleeting, and it was more than a fair trade for the way his heart beat in his chest and his stomach churned. Besides, he had felt worse. Eventually, he felt an odd sort of balance as their tongues slipped against each other, finding their way into each other’s mouths.

It was no surprise to Jean that Eren broke the kiss. He was, however, caught off guard when the shifter nipped his lip where it was split.

“Sorry about that.” The small smirk said he wasn’t really all that sorry.

Jean just grinned, shifting to find himself nearly sitting on one of Eren’s legs, hands sliding up his chest to his neck as he leaned closer. “I’ve had worse.” Before he could close the gap between them, he found himself with soft lips capturing his own, a tongue pushing its way back into his mouth. He hummed in surprise, and delight, shifting closer and more than happily letting Eren into his mouth.

Even just kissing, Jean felt his body growing hot, spreading from the churning in his core. Eren’s hands slowly drifted down his muscular back to his hips, which the taller man couldn’t help but instinctively lift into his touch, the warmth of the fingertips on his skin leaving behind an odd, and pleasant, tingling. He found that tingling drifting over his torso as Eren slipped his hands around to Jean’s front, fingers tracing the muscles that seemed to pulse and jolt under his fingertips.

Shamelessly, Jean found himself grinding against Eren’s thigh, pushing a light moan from his lips as he pulled back, panting, from the kiss. He would likely regret it later, if they had a later. For now, he didn’t fucking care. He felt great, and judging by the cloudy green eyes and flushed cheeks he was seeing, well, he wasn’t the only one.

Golden eyes focused, Jean shifted back, sliding his hands down to grip Eren’s shoulders and slowly push him onto his back, glad they had opted to sit on the bedroll. There was no protest, and Jean even noticed the way the other’s fingers seemed to drift toward his arms. He leaned over him, ignoring the way Eren’s tongue trailed over his lips in anticipation, instead placing small kisses along his jaw. He moved to his neck, lips working softly over the skin, small nips leaving behind kiss marks that he knew wouldn’t last past the night. The sounds the elicited, however, he would never forget. He had forgotten what a vocal little shit Eren was, but this time, oh this time _he_ got to enjoy it. Because this time those sounds were for him and not the captain.

Nipping at his ear, Jean’s voice was husky, quiet. “Relax,” He could feel the body below him tensing, maybe out of excitement, even. He hoped.

His fingers drifted over Eren’s abs, finding their way to his chest. He grinned as he sucked on the crook of the german’s neck, his fingers sliding over a nipple, pinching it gently. And oh the sound that he made, that low, almost whimpering moan. Wanting to hear more, he shifted lower, kissing along his collarbone down to his chest. He took the chance to glimpse up at Eren before he latched onto the previously neglected nipple, sucking the pert flesh between his teeth and rolling his tongue over the sensitive nub. And, oh, was it worth it. Eren arched into the touch, fingers digging into bedroll below him as a mewl pushed from his lips, sending a jolt straight to the painfully erect bulge inside Jean’s briefs.

Jean laid his head on Eren’s torso, the rapid heartbeat echoing in his ears as he let out a breathy laugh. “Shit, Jaeger.”

With no more pause than that, he turned his attentions back to Eren’s torso, working his way down to trace his tongue over his ‘v’, a mischievous grin spreading over his lips as he gripped the band of the other’s boxers, tugging them down to let free his erection. Jean’s eyes widened slightly as he licked his lips, dipping down to roll the flat of his tongue over the slit. Whatever protest Eren was going to make died on his lips as his breath hitched and his hips bucked, forcing Jean to take him into his mouth. Not that Jean minded, relaxing over him and taking him as far into his mouth as he could, tasting the tang of precum in his throat as he _slowly_ bobbed his head, pressing his tongue along the shaft and twirling it around the top with each ascent.

Eren let out a moan that sounded pleasantly close to his name, causing a shiver to run down his spine as dark fingers buried themselves in his hair before yanking him back, a hiss of pain pushing from Jean’s lips.

“What is it, Eren?” He licked his lips, wanting to continue where he was but the way the fingers in his hair were trembling…

“I just…it’s been a really long time.” _And I’m scared._

Jean didn’t have to be a genius to put the pieces together. Eren hadn’t been with anyone since Levi, who was  a dedicated top as far as he’d ever heard. Even if he had masturbated, he had no doubt stopped fingering himself long ago.

The taller man shifted back, nodding slowly. He pulled one of Eren’s legs close, kissing gently along his inner thigh and relishing the shiver it elicited. “Guess it’s a good thing I’m selfish, then.” Eren’s eyes widened and Jean couldn’t help but chuckle. He slid a hand down Eren’s thigh, fingers brushing the crease of his leg. “Trust me, Eren.”

Eren’s brows furrowed, nodding slowly. _That’s the first time he’s said my name in… I don’t know how long._ The german watched curiously as Jean shifted back to dig through their things. It wasn’t long before gold eyes were smiling over his shoulder at him.

“Take those off.” Jean pointed at the boxers, which were already around Eren’s knees anyway. Eren obliged and couldn’t help but devour the sight when Jean pushed his own briefs down and to the side, close enough to the fire to dry.

He was so caught up in ogling his bedmate that he almost didn’t notice a small container being tossed at him, barely catching it before it hit him in the chest. “What’s this?” Eren held up the bottle, eventually recognizing it as the oil that they used for their gear. It was pure, all-natural oils that had more uses than keeping their gear in tip-top shape. “3D maneuver gear oil?”

Jean grinned as he crawled toward Eren, climbing over him and brushing his lips against his ear. “Works wonders for other things~” He could feel the brunet below him tense and shiver at the same time, fear and anticipation warring within him. If he wasn’t so fucking turned on, Jean would’ve laughed at him. Humanity’s hope was afraid of a little dick-ass action.

“Jean…” The way he bit his lip was adorable and sexy all at once and Jean couldn’t help but capture it inside his own, pressing into a kiss.

“It’s not for you.” Without more explanation, he laid over Eren’s leg, dipping down to press his tongue to the rim of his cock, a small hum of pleasure coming from those uncertain lips. Pausing, Jean looked up at Eren before shifting his eyes in the direction of his own ass, smiling as the light bulb came on and the other realized what was happening. That was all the assurance Jean needed before taking Eren’s dick back into his mouth.

Jean could hear the cap unscrewing from the vial, keeping his eyes shut and his focus on the task at hand – or rather mouth. Without any more warning, his golden eyes snapped open as he felt a cold, slick finger slide into him, a twinge of pain following.

“Ah—gently,” He bit his lip, seeing the look of worry on Eren’s face. _Guess Levi wasn’t exactly the gentlest with you, or maybe it’s just been too long._ He smiled softly before licking up his shaft, the sensation causing Eren to push his finger further into him.

His attentions to Eren were agonizingly slowly, shifting between sucking him into his throat to barely brushing his lips over the head. He knew it was a tease, but it seemed to be the best way to encourage him. Even so, he couldn’t help let out a little moan, pulling off of his cock as the shifter pushed a second finger into him, scissoring them. Jean wouldn’t admit it, but he fingered himself more often than not when he took care of himself, thus he was more or less ready as it was. But something about having Eren’s fingers inside him, opening him, it was all he could do to bite his lip and lay panting in his lap.

“Eren tha—ah~” Jean’s eyes snapped open, pleasure jolting through him and leaving his cock dripping as Eren managed to brush against his prostate. He looked up to see those green eyes lit up, biting his bottom lip as he smiled just before rubbing that same spot again, forcing another moan from his lips, a small tremble traveling through his body. “S-stop.” _Fuck don’t stop._

But he did stop, _slowly_ slipping his fingers from inside of Jean, who still lay in his lap panting. “Did I hu—”

“Shut up and lay back.” Jean sounded almost angry, hoarse, as he pushed up from Eren’s lap to grab the oil. It was warm, not hot, and he wondered if the other had set it close to the fire intentionally or if it was just a happy accident. He grinned as he saw Eren laying there, looking almost uncertain. “Good.”

Straddling his hips, Jean drizzled the oil onto Eren’s cock, eliciting a pleasant little gasp from him. “Shit what took so long to do this…”  He didn’t even care at this point if his thoughts were escaping on his lips as he shifted his hips up, reaching down to spread his twitching entrance, his other hand holding Eren’s shaft. He _slowly_ lowered himself down, letting out a sharp gasp as he pushed down over the head of his cock. His head lulled back and a long, low moan pushed from his lips as he lowered himself until he felt himself pressing against the other’s hips.

Neither moved as Jean stared down at him, panting, as his hands curiously explored the dark muscles below him. Eren was being surprisingly…compliant. He had half thought the beast would take him however he wanted. It was a pleasant surprise. Shifting his hands to the sides of his lover’s head, his eyelids fluttered at the way it forced his hips to move just a bit. He opened his eyes, surprise tearing at him as Eren gripped his forearm and turned to press soft kisses against his wrist.

_What is…_

Jean shook the thought away, rocking his hips up before lowering back down, taking all of Eren inside him. He couldn’t help but grin, almost shivering at the way those green eyes clouded over, lids heavy and a small moan pushing from his lips. All because of Jean, because of his body. He was the one eliciting those responses. Before he could get too caught up, he felt Eren’s fingers digging into his hips, encouraging him to keep moving and thrusting up into him each time he used Jean’s weight to slam him down.

He couldn’t stop the sounds coming from his own lips, and really, he didn’t want to. He had had bigger, and he had had more experienced, but this was different. It was enticing to have humanity’s hope writhing underneath him, and he was writhing, but it wasn’t that. It was the way the beast clawed at his hips, but his eyes were all Eren. It was the way those fingers desperately lifted and lowered his hips, the way he was practically bouncing on Eren’s cock, screaming profanities in all the best ways. It was the way that when Eren stopped, Jean’s heart jumped into his throat and panic rushed through his veins.

“Jean, I—” Eren pushed up underneath him, capturing his lips in a hungry, breath-devouring kiss. Jean wrapped his legs around those dark hips instinctively; a strong arm pressed to his back as he felt his world shift and found himself on his back. He looked up Eren with confusion, the shifter’s dark skin coated with a sheen of sweat, a smile tugging at his lips. “Sorry, just, let me have this.”

Jean nodded as Eren hooked an arm under one of his legs, pushing it back as he leaned closer to him, forcing him open in a way that he loved more than he wanted to admit. Eren lifted his hips with his other hand, slowly moving, almost experimentally. He hadn’t pushed into him more than a handful of times when an unbidden moan pushed from Jean’s lips. Judging by the cat-that-ate-the-fucking-canary looked that spread over his face, the shifter had found his prostate purely by accident. He paused, looking at Jean’s flushed face below him.

“What are you doing, you twat! Don’t fucking sto-aah~”

Eren hadn’t bothered to wait as he moved slowly inside him, _so_ slowly. It was almost painful the way his cock constantly brushed against that sensitive spot inside him. The way he whimpered and moaned, leaving the darker teen to wonder if he was always like this.

“Heh, I didn’t know you could— mn~ make sounds like that, Jean.” His name was an almost moan as Jean tightened around him, hot and pulsing.

“Shut the –ah~ fuck – f-fuck, Eren~ Faster! God, faster!” Jean didn’t care anymore, he was shameless and it didn’t matter. All that mattered was the way that Eren was filling him, the way he had so effortlessly made him squirm and scream. 

“Aren’t you just—the needy little—fuck, Jean,” His words came out as broken pants as he tried to keep his eyes on Jean, whose cheeks were red and lips glossed over with saliva. “S-so hot, Jean~”

“Eren, fuck right there, Eren! D-don’t, fuck~” Jean clawed at the bedroll beneath him, rocking his hips to meet Eren thrust for thrust, but it wasn’t enough. Reaching toward Eren, he let out a moan at the way it stretched him open when the shifter moved into his arm as he pulled him close. “Eren~ Harder, Eren~ Fuck me, mn~ _fuck me harder_ ~” His voice was almost a growl as he _begged_ for it.

He felt Eren hesitate before gripping his hair, Jean’s legs still tangled in his arms, and captured his lips. Without reservation, he pulled nearly all the way out of Jean before slamming into him, a moan pushing from his own lips as the taller male threw his head back, his own moan stuck in his throat. Grinning, Eren repeated the motion, moving faster as his own panting moans were drowned out by Jean’s screams. And everyone thought Eren was the vocal one.

“Shit, Jean, you’re so—fuck your ass is—” He panted roughly, burying his face into Jean’s neck as that familiar heat built inside him. “Jean, I’m gonna—” His voice was almost panicked.

Jean’s voice was husky, hoarse even, “Inside, Eren~”

That was all the permission Eren needed as he felt his hips thrusting on their own, his teeth sinking into Jean’s neck. He felt the skin give, a familiar tang of blood on his tongue, but all he could feel was the way Jean rolled his hips, the way he clenched around him as he filled him, sucking out every drop.

“Eren~” Jean was breathless as he rolled his hips, fucking himself on Eren’s cock. “Fucking touch me, Eren.” He clawed into Eren’s back, ignoring the steam that followed, as the shifter wrapped his fingers around the neglected, dripping cock. “Fuck, Eren, make me co—ah~ Eren, oh fuck Eren, I, Eren! Eren—ahh~” His voice died down to a low, keening moan, heavy pants pushing from his lips as he felt his own cum splurt over his chest, Eren’s hot fingers stroking him through his orgasm.

Slowly, Eren pulled out from him, a small gasp escaping them both, Jean biting his lip as his ass continued to pulse even after it was empty. They laid next to each other in silence, their heartbeats and breathing slowly returning to a steady rhythm. Neither said anything. Jean vaguely noticed Eren reached over to toss some brush into the fire before returning his eyes to the ceiling.

“Um…Eren? Well I—” Jean’s words were cut off as Eren shifted to press their lips together, leaving the brunet surprised at the show of affection. It didn’t matter that they had just fucked, Eren’s situation was proof enough that release and affection weren’t the same thing. He couldn’t bring himself to try and say it again, instead turning onto his side as Eren grabbed his now-dry cloak and covered the two of them to the best of his abilities.

Tired as he was, Jean couldn’t help but cringe and bite his lip as Eren slid an arm around his waist and tucked his hips against his ass, tangling their legs together.

_Spooning? Really? Fuck, Eren, do you even know what you’re doing...? What even was this? Fuck, Jean, you’re a fucking idiot. Kid said himself it was a fool’s game…_

* * *

Eren woke first the next morning. It wasn’t that odd, really; Jean had never been a morning person. He found them still entangled, Jean having interlocked their fingers as they slept. A small smile crept onto his lips as he pressed his face between his bedmate's shoulder blades, fighting the temptation to squeeze him in his arms. He had never woken to anything but a cold, empty bed in the past.

 _Speaking of cold._ A small shiver spread over his back. Reluctantly, he turned to see the fire hanging on by the smallest of embers. _Son of a bitch._ Stifling a groan he slowly untangled himself from Jean, careful not to wake him. He pulled the cloak around Jean’s shoulders and pulled on his clothes before leaning down from above his head, pressing a soft kiss to his lips as if to say ‘I’ll be right back.’

Careful as Eren may have been, as he pushed the barrier to the side, a gust of cold air swept through the cavern just as he slipped out. Jean groaned, curling into himself and pulling the cloak closer. However, the twinge of pain in his hips served as a grim reminder of what he’d done the night before.

He laid in silence a moment before pushing himself up and at least tugging on his now-dry briefs and pants. He poked at the remnants of the fire with a stick as Eren returned, trying to pretend this wasn’t some awkward morning after. Harder more so with how chipper? Proud? Satisfied? Eren seemed.

“Hey, you’re awake.” Jean only nodded in response, watching as Eren added to the pile. The sticks were wet and the embers too weak, who had taught this shit to build a fire? “Um…how’re you feeling?”

 _Like a jackass._ “I’m fine.” He couldn’t help the small, almost sad smile. “Not like it’s the first time I’ve had a dick in my ass.” Jean immediately regretted his words, seeing the solemn look on Eren’s face.

“Yeah…I guess you do this kind of thing a lot.” The silence between them was heavy.

“Eren, I…” _I like you. Last night wasn’t just release. I don’t want this to be over. I’m scared._ Everything he wanted to say stopped in his throat, threatening to choke him.

Eren shook his head, reaching over to grab Jean’s shirt. “Don’t worry about it. Just…you need to get dressed. When I was getting the firewood,” He grimaced at the now-dead fire, “I saw a flare.” Eren nodded at the surprised looked as Jean pulled his shirt on, standing slowly to tuck it in. “I think they’re looking for us. Guess Armin probably convinced them it was worth it.”

Jean grabbed his straps and slipped into them, tightening them as necessary. “Remind me to thank him for that if we survive.”

Eren grinned as he pulled on his own straps and handed Jean his jacket. “Somehow I don’t think I’ll have to remind you.” His voice trailed off as his eyes caught on a purple bruise on Jean’s neck, a small ring of teeth marks now scabbed over. His fingers slowly drifted over it, pulling back sharply as Jean pulled away and tugged his jacket on.

“Forget about it.” _I wish you wouldn’t. Or that I could._ He picked up the cloak, which now smelled of both of them, and handed it to Eren. He took it, albeit reluctantly. “Since you don’t have a jacket and all.” He was systematically ignoring Eren, focusing on pulling the barrier down from the door and rolling it around the bedroll, which was really the only thing worth keeping of the small set of supplies.

Jean didn’t even bother to look at Eren as he dropped to his knees, ignoring the pain it caused him, and slowly crawled through the tunnel. Not surprising, he found it raining again. Even so, he noted the smoke in the distance. Eren was right; they had come looking for them. Of course they did, the shifter was humanity’s hope after all.  He was just another soldier, future commander at best, but Eren? Eren was important.

“Hey, Jean…”

As he turned toward the voice, he felt a rumble under foot. He looked at him with worry. Titans. Of course they were coming. They could sense the search-and-rescue party, and Jean and Eren happened to be between them and the titans.

Jean noticed the way Eren’s hand twitched, the way he flexed the fingers against the anxiousness. He was already planning to do it. “Don’t.” Eren froze at the word, turning his green eyes to him in confusion. “Don’t do it, Eren.” _You might lose control. You could die. I don’t want to lose you._

“Hmph, when did you turn into such a coward, Jean. Last I checked it was my job, our job, to fight titans.”

“Yeah, but, not like this.” His voice was quieter than he expected, but it was steady.

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you.” When did Eren get so god damned cheerful? His smile never faded as he took a step away, bringing his hand to his mouth. Why was he hesitating?

“Wait!” Eren paused, surprised, and turned toward him. “Eren, I… last night…”

“Forget about it, right?”

Jean hung his head, hands clenched at his side as he tried to figure what to do with them. “I refuse to.”

“Jean…”

Jean’s breath shuddered in his chest, why was this so hard? He sat on his dick like it was the easiest thing in the world, but this? This scared the fuck out of him. “Eren…I…” _Just say it, you bitch!_ “I like you.”

It was silent but for the rain, and the ever growing rumbling beneath them. And then, Eren laughed. He fucking laughed and pulled Jean’s cloak from his own shoulders and wrapped it around the taller man’s. His face fell as he held tight onto the green, not looking up at him. “You’re a fool.”

Jean felt the blood drain from his face, his stomach clenched and he swore breathing became a manual labor and if he didn’t remember how soon he was going to vomit.  Slowly, a warm hand cupped his neck and green eyes peered up at him. It was almost surreal when Eren closed the gap between them, lips brushing against Jean’s before reluctantly pulling away.

“I guess that makes two of us.” Eren’s voice was barely a whisper as he smiled up at Jean.

He didn’t care if it was needy or stupid or whatever anyone else would say, Jean couldn’t help but pull him close for another, longer kiss. His nipped at his lower lip, pressing a few more quick kisses against his lips before the shifter could take a step back.

“I’ll protect you, Jean.” A smile, surely meant to be reassuring, and the space between them was all the warning he got before Eren bit into his hand, disappearing before the smoke from the resulting explosion cleared.

Jean felt himself slide down against the outside of their little sanctuary, biting back his worry as all he could do was wait. “Please come back.”

**Author's Note:**

> shit story is shit. sorry its 8.30am and i still haven't slept okay. Also this was all originally inspired by this
> 
> [[x](http://www.pixiv.net/member_illust.php?mode=medium&illust_id=39079366)]


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